Why celebrate, let’s commemorate
Sometimes I wonder why we say let’s celebrate women on women’s day, and I’d tell myself isn’t women’s day about equality? I don’t want to be celebrated only because of my gender. I want to be treated like any other person, neither celebrated nor looked down upon.
Shouldn’t we be commemorating Women’s day? There are some dark incidents in the past and present, here are a few :
- Ecole Polytechnic Massacre — 14 women were killed in their college campus because they were women. This didn’t take place a really long time ago just 30yrs ago.
- Female infanticide isn’t a thing of the past, still practiced in India.
We commemorate such event’s as a mark of solidarity to the lives lost and remind ourselves we don’t repeat it in future.
There are equivalently casually sexist things that we do today in the name of protecting women. They are neither protecting nor trying to do any good to the women, just trying to crush their freedom.
There is a beautiful tamil word “pettai” meaning girl, slang term “potta”. For a really long time I only knew it as a word to indicate gender. I didn’t know it was a curse word. So when man is called a “potta paya”, he is a cowardly man. Really are women that lowly to us?
There are many things we as a society follow without realising that we treat women like their ultimate goal is to be married and start a family.
How many times have you seen parents saving up for their child’s wedding from the time a child is born? There could be modern working parents who have already started saving gold for your girl child’s wedding, and dowry is a norm — never a taboo. And even after getting married the gold or money isn’t hers, it becomes the property of her in-laws, she doesn’t get to have a say.
How many times have you seen a stay at home mom (maybe even your mom, aunt) make a financial decision without consulting her husband? Financial or household decisions aren’t hers because that’s not what she was meant to do.
How many times have you seen a girl’s education is stopped because it’s time for her to get married, the decision to learn, the decision to get married, the groom none of it being her choice. I know a lot of friends who were sent to college only to get a degree because without one they might not be able to find a “prospective” groom.
How many times have you seen/heard a girl being told, “vera veetukku porava adakama nadanthuko, samaykka kathuko, thovaika kathuko” (You’re a girl you need to learn to clean, cook once you go to your in-laws place it will be handy) Cooking, cleaning are life skills that both man and woman need to learn. It’s not cool to raise a girl child like she is destined to go work in another house.
How many times have you/seen/heard/experienced that a girl has to wear, walk or sit in a certain way? No more than 15 years ago our college had an unwritten rule that girls should wear saree until a girl was seriously injured sending her to ICU. Then sarees were banned for all engineering students but another unwritten rule was imposed; girls need to wear salwar kameez with the shawl pleated and pinned (this wasn’t even our dresscode, just an unwritten rule that you can’t escape). Apparently, the women’s chest had to be draped else it’s a sin.
How many times have you heard how important the appearance of a woman is? If you’re a girl or a woman you’ve no choice but to meet the beauty standards of society. I injured myself while playing when I was hardly 5 and had to get sutures. The nurse was too considerate and sewed carefully, ensuring it wouldn’t leave large scars on my face, ’cause she thought beauty is important for any girl since she ultimately needs to be married; and to rank high in the marriage market one needed good looks. She meant well, just that she didn’t realize she was setting a beauty standard.
How many times have you seen a man hit his wife? There is still a large portion of people who think that is a family feud and will subdue in a while. Like it’s ok if they meant to wrestle.
If you’ve experienced all of this and yet never thought it wasn’t a problem, think again. Do you think it’s fine to live in a society that raises a girl child as though her ultimate destiny is to be married and serve her husband and hardly even given a chance to think for her own?
Working men get to take a break on weekend, we as a society believe that their regular jobs can be stressful and need a break. Be it stay at home moms or professional women, they do a lot of labour — manual and mental. Being a stay at home mom isn’t easy. The monotony of the daily routine, the mundane chores being stuck at home might seem privileged but it is nothing short of being on house arrest, and is definitely more stressful than a 9–5 job.
I’m not saying men devised these norms on woman, there are women themselves who think these are right and miss to see it’s sexist, they practice and preach the sexist behaviour.
We’ve normalized dowry, financial dependence, slavery, domestic violence, domestic abuse, beauty standards, all being biased against women and yet we call ourselves a literate cultured society.
There are exceptions to all the situations I’ve mentioned above. I do understand we’re biased towards men as well. But the scale and extent to which women are oppressed all around the world are still very appalling. As much as I believe women should be able to make decisions on their own and not be pushed out of the workforce, I also do believe men should not be forced to stay in the workforce, the ultimate destiny for a man isn’t to earn and provide for a family.
The little changes we do like ladies bus, maternity leave, menstrual leaves aren’t privileges given to women; but are little steps taken to break the barrier and give the space that women have been denied for ages.
I do know the world has become a better place, and so has it for women too, yet we’ve got a long way to go.